Office Romances: A good idea or not?

Not Rocking the Boat

We are often tempted to seek out intimacy where we spend our time: in recreational activities, classes, and work. These are the places in which we find ourselves surrounded by people, and in turn, possibilities. However, it is important to consider the importance of maintaining positive relationships with the people that you spend time with, whether you spend time with them voluntarily or involuntarily. If you have to see a person on a daily basis because it is part of your job, you do not want to cause unnecessary tension. By that I mean that you wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardize your current relationship unless you had reason to believe that a step in a different direction would be equally stable. If you think that a change would not affect your ability with to do your job or your relationships with your other coworkers and your boss, I would suggest thinking about where you want to take this relationship. For one thing, you could just start talking to the person more at work during breaks or lunch. For another, you could start spending time with the person outside of work and see where it goes without putting a label on it. The most important thing is not to rush things because you might find yourself running into unforeseeable consequences.

A Painful Breakup

I had a coworker during my internship who was dating a mutual friend, and because it was the most exciting thing that happened to the laboratory in a while, a lot of the other lab members got involved. One person periodically snatched up the boyfriend’s phone and sent texts to the girlfriend, which was entertaining for the others because the girlfriend would know that it wasn’t her boyfriend. We would hear news of their relationship but ate lunch all together less frequently because they wanted their own time together. Then when they broke up, it was because the boyfriend did not want the same level of commitment as the girlfriend did, and this caused tension between them and everyone involved, especially when they fought or avoided each other. It would be difficult to talk to one about the other, so we just avoided mentioning the boyfriend in front of the girlfriend, and vice versa. Even though they did not work in the same department, now that they had broken up it was be difficult for them to work together when they had to.

This was a rather extreme example, but the point is to illustrate some considerations:

1. The most obvious: It may be awkward at work if you break up

2. You may not have the privacy you would like if you were dating someone outside of your circles

3. The relationship may ruin a good friendship

4. You or the other person may not be in the right place for a relationship, which is why you want to get to know the person well before you take it to another level

In conclusion, make sure that you’re ready to take the risk of telling the person your true feelings and that a relationship at this point in time and place would be right for you (and the proposed partner).

References

Aron, A., Paris, M., & Aron, E. N. (1995). Falling in love: Prospective studies of self-concept change. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 69(6), 1102.

Festinger, L., Back, K. W., & Schachter, S. (1950). Social pressures in informal groups: A study of human factors in housing (No. 3). Stanford University Press.

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